Vunerability

One word but so many layers. It weaves way deeper than you think. A different meaning for every individual that comes across it. To reveal or to still be covered. Sometimes a half show, a partial step into the light. Full vunerablility. I’m not even sure what that word means. Saying it all. Stepping out fully into the light. Showing all parts, not seeing one as less or as more. Being completely and totally…. Vunerability… My mind thinks of many things when I think of vunerability. A whole world needing to be expressed. I ask myself, why do i need to write so much, why do i need to talk or to do. What do i need to get stuff out? But what’s the point of keeping it all in? Vunerability… what is it? Is it expression? Is it to be expressed? Heart beating. Wierd. Vunerability… You know sometimes I feel like I’m not living. Like I’m not breathing. I feel like ik not existing. Just floating, floating… Feeling, but not too deeply. Living, but yet it doesn’t feel like how it was described to be… When Plangnan described the need for that adrelanine rush of the ride, the need to feel like she was living, I did not understand what she meant. I didnt understand that feeling, but now, I dont know why, but it feels like I do. It’s wierd, because today I felt bright and bubbly. I felt alive. I felt like I will live, like I am alive, but tonight, I guess I’m realizing being alive isn’t just in the head. It isnt just in our minds. It’s that craving to live and to actually live. The need for an evidence of living. Like if I’m feeling all these feelings to myself and in my own head and mind, it’s like it’s not enough. It’s not enough that the ideas and the feelings are just in my mind. It’s not enough that they are just in my mind. Express yourself… Express yourself. Is that what they mean when they say it? Is that what I call it? Or is it another thing? 😪 Empty. That’s how it feels. Empty. There is nothing inside. Wierd. Happy wierd. I dont understand. It feels like the day I wrote that. Like that drunkennrealisation and acceptance and the emptiness that comes with it. But maybe it’s not the emptiness that needs to be filled with something. Indont really want to put any replacements there. Nothing. No-thing…. Nothing. And maybe nothing needs to be there.