Cycles
One painting and three cycles. One moment frozen in motion... Changing clouds, an ongoing moon cycle, an ace of pentacles, golden stairs to a new, unknown existence and a night slowly breaking into a new dawn. A painting of endings and beginnings occurring simultaneously, just like in life.
At the break of a new dawn, in the mist of numerous endings, ready to take the next step as we first take inventory of how far we have come. A celebration of our past experiences and the promise of a beautiful new story. A golden stair that calls for trust through the uncertainty of the new and the obstacles that we may encounter. A trust in ourselves and our heart.
Break-free
'I don't want to limit myself anymore.'
A beautifully surreal world, yet an accurate description of my reality. A stable mountain, a already open portal and the craziness of the untamed and unexplored world, represented by a void of swirls.
So used to a certain way of being, so used to the usual and the safe. Scared of the unknown, scared of the uncertainty of the swirls, yet intrigued by it. Finally, she gives into the craziness of the swirls, embraces the fear and the uncertainty, taking responsibility for the exciting and uncertain thrill of a new experience, one that rings deep to her heart. Finally, she gives in completely to what she wants, breaking from the chains. Breaking from the set portal, she flies in head first ready to face life head on.
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She is what She needs
Blooming. Releasing the false sense of hopelessness. Realizing the light that is already shinning even within the darkness, the light within. The light of self.
In the darkness, she thought she was hopeless... however, she met beautiful stars that helped her realize that the light they reflected to help guide her, was already within herself in a thousand folds. She was the light she thought she needed, a flower blooming out of the darkness into a beautiful golden light that she already began to manifest by herself, even in the darkness.
She was what she needed.
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'Angel by the Wings'
In this piece, I tried painting sound, an idea inspired by the work of Melissa McCraken. Thus, this is a painting of Sia’s ‘Angel by the wings.' Unintentionally, the piece depicts two seemingly separate entities, with one seemingly reaching out to the other for support, like in the song. A semi-conscious recognition of the message of the song as I painted it.
"Grab an angel by the wings... ask her now for one more chance."
A circle in the Sky
A circle at the center. A simple circle that birthed the world of clouds.
A portal? A hole? An empty space? A void? A circle in the clouds... or a mirror? What it is? I'm not really sure, but for now, simply put, it's a circle in the sky.
Or more accurately, a sky around the circle.
Peace
A peaceful mind. A restful smile. She lays in a sea of soft colors, delicate hues of pinks and yellows and purples, surrounded by the creatures that she loves.
The magic of the butterfly, the magic of the dragonfly, the freedom of the bird and the untamed beauty of the wild flowers. She lays her mind in the beauty of the world she finds around her. Those little moments of magic and awe that keep her going and believing in herself and in the world she experiences.
She finds her inner peace in embracing the beauty of her experience.
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Cage
Locked within herself, she lives like nothing but a prisoner in her own body, feeling guilty, scared and unworthy of taking center stage in her own life. Self-hatred. Scared of herself, scared that she is a Dionysian child, innately evil, she kept herself in the confines of her own mind. A flimsy cage, only there for show, but held strong by her own self-hate and feeling of unworthiness.
What she failed to realize was that she was worthy. She always had been. A shining star, an undying glow, a power that lived in the fire of her soul, in every fabric of her being, one that she was unaware was deserving and worthy of being expressed and embraced. Deserving just because it existed and it didn't need anymore 'proof' or 'reason' than that. She never needed to hold herself back, she never needed to be scared of her own light... Mistakes are meant to be made, realized, noted and learnt from, not held onto and turned into mental prisons. I'm glad she finally realized that.
 Her self-made cageTo emphasis the self-hatred and judgement I surrounded the caged self with black and positioned her in the same position as the heart, to highlight how bad it is to hate yourself. Even back then when I did this to myself, I didn’t understand how negative it was, I thought it was just a means of self-control, however t is just as toxic and living in a shadow or caging your own heart. |  She is worth living |  She was a shell of herselfWith the main piece, I took this idea to a more personal level. This main piece addressed how sometimes, I let myself live like prisoner in my own body, and though I feel and interact with others (which I represented with the smiling expression on her face) I do it like a mask of my own self, which is symbolized by the emptiness of the eyes as they are viewed as the key to the soul. |
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A touch of the Sky
A pastel and traditional white chalk study of the sky.
In creating this piece, the pigments of the pastels had come off onto my hand, like I had just touched the sky. The touch breaking the physical barrier that normally would have made it incredibly difficult for me to touch the sky. By creating this piece, I not only brought the sky to me, but I was also able to touch it and experience it more intimately than just as a distant phenomenon.
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How does she feel?
There is so much going on within us, how much of it do we even process? Everyday I look at myself in the mirror, 'I see her, but how does she feel?' Emotions splattered around her, feeling muddled within her, things and experiences I have yet to process. Parts of myself I have yet to understand or maybe even notice. Yet I am me everyday.
She stands strong, clouds of time passing around her. A true test of time. Yet hear heart... her heart is what I crave to feel, to truly understand her for who she is, for what she feels, for the magic she dreams. Her little sparks and her big explosions, her angry fits and her anxious fears. To hold her when she cries, to comfort her when she's scared, to listen to her when she's worried, to reassure her when she's anxious, to be with her as she loves and tell her it's okay to. To experience her highs and lows with her, rather than being against her questioning and criticizing. To be with her, through it all. To be with me. To understand me for the amazing swirl of colors and emotions I am . Not just to see me, but to feel me, to experience me, to process my feelings and to appreciate and celebrate them.
The World Within
The magic of the universe is within you. A whole world outside, yet there is so much inside too. So much that calls for my attention, as my body craves for my care and my heart my affection. Myself asking me just to be here with me, because that's all it needs now. That's all I need now.
The black background blocks out the rest of the world, channeling the focus of the piece to the character, her pose and what is going on within her. (Sometimes, what is going on isn't about the outer experience, but the inner one.) With eyes closed, just like the viewer, she tunes into herself, her hand warped around her body, one around her shoulder and the other on her knee, sending waves of comfort, warmth and love to herself and her world within. A moment of solitude and a symbol of love in this imperfect, yet beautifully honest piece.
Whispers of Self Love
It's easy to forget those words I want to hear. Those reassuring words of love, that remind me that I'm okay and I've got my own back. Words like, trust, love, embrace, enough, magic, support... words I love to hear from me to me.
"I love me." "I trust me." "I feel me." "I embrace me." "I am enough, I am worthy." "It's going to be okay." "Love is vulnerability. I can be vulnerable." "Don't forget to feel, to feel you."
Phrases that remind me it's okay to be and experience me. Phrases that remind me to be gentle with myself, during moments where I try to rush the process. Phrases that remind me that it's okay to trust myself and how I feel, during moments when my anxiety and fears spike. They remind me its okay to feel, to be uncertain and scared and confused, and it's okay to be vulnerable with others and mostly to myself too. They remind me that it's okay to trust myself and to always remember that I am always worthy and deserving of the best of life and to never sell myself short or doubt myself. They remind me to invest in myself, to trust in me, to live and to remember that I am MAGIC and I am dynamic, I am real and I am me.
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